You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
