Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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