I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
