she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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