actually, I'm a sock model
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
