Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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