So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
