ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
