I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
