The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
