I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
