May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
why is half of my head shaved?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
