My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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