the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
