This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
