and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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