just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
