i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
