dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
