Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
