I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
