the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
