Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
