Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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