Your dad touched me again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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