please come you make the beer taste better
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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