Dual....:-)
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
