Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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