I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
