piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
