I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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