ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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