dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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