evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
