i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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