Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
