Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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