He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
