So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
