Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
