you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
