he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
