Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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