My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
