It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
