Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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