thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
