Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
