There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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