You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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