before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
