I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
