good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
