i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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