I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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