when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
