Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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