All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
