he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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