he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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