I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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