dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
