if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
