What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
