oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
