i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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