Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this will be a night to untag.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
