Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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