my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
