That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
