I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
