My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
