So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
