Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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