Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
