i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
