Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
