ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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