Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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