I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
