when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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