if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
