I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
