You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
