Ambien. No doubt about it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
