On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
