i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
