Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize