Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
