dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
