youre lurking in front of me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
